Happy Birthdays

[00:00:21] Speaker A: Welcome to 45. Left or right podcast. May is over. It is June the fourth, and I got a little of it left to do. But, you know, a lot of the craziness is over. Devin gets out of school in a couple of days, and summer vacation is almost here. Devin's baseball team won their championship, which was really exciting. They had just a great season. They only lost two games, but you never know at age eleven and twelve if they're gonna blow it or not. You know, they get nervous, they get a little squirrely, and so I'm relieved that they won. They should have won. They did win. Just really fun season. So, baseball is over, which frees up a little bit of time for us, but we seem to fill it, find ways to fill it. We are going to talk about birthdays today and how our birthdays change as we get older. Birthdays are just so exciting as a kid. And then as the milestones get more ominous, we lose our joy for them. Should we? I had a lot of memorable birthdays growing up, and for all the best reasons. My mom put on the best parties. She went all out. We had a backyard pool, so mostly I had pool parties for my birthdays. I wasn't really the most popular kid in school. I was, you know, had average popularity. I didn't care about that stuff. But everyone came to my parties because my mom made them so fun. Most parents who hosted a pool party would just let the kids play in the pool, and that was the party. And honestly, that's how I would probably do it now. But my mom made all of these games and just made it amazing. She would always add an extra twist with pool games with cool favor bags, just everything. We had water balloon fights. We would wet down the trampoline to jump on it in our swimsuits, which is really extra fun. I don't know why. Watermelon cake, pizza, juice boxes, and soda, which normally most kids didn't get. Usually, and usually, almost all of my classmates came from my elementary school. We had a diving board that was pretty high for those days. So we had diving contests and really all kinds of things that are now considered too dangerous, and they are. But the 1980s just had different safety standards and we're all okay. This one party, my mom bought these floats that you straddled, and we had relay races on those. Everybody loved that. Of course, a few boys cheated and they would get off their floats and swim across the pool, but no one really cared because they were having so much fun. And my mom set the tone for this anyway, like, this is a race, but, you know, it's all about the fun. And this might have been the same party, I can't remember, but she got everyone these crazy. Those are like a crazy straw. But they were sunglasses. And she took a really silly picture of everyone on the trampoline. And I'm sure she has that somewhere, but I'm not sure where. Now that I have thrown twelve birthday parties for Devin, and knowing how much work it is, I do not know how she did it so successfully every year. And she did the same for my brother. And she admits now that she was completely exhausted afterward and really stressed before, but she always pulled it off. Now that I'm about to turn 46, I have a very different view of each birthday. They just don't. They don't seem special anymore. And not because we don't celebrate my birthday, but I just don't get excited for them anymore. It's like, meh, okay, another birthday. And how can I already be 46? Honestly, I feel like I'm still 30. And I also think about all of the kids who went to my parties, and now they are turning 46. And are they thinking the same thing? For this week's episode, I interviewed my dear husband, Jeff. We have been married for 22 years in September, and we have celebrated a lot of birthdays together. And when you're young and newly married, it is so fun to say that you're gonna grow old together. But now we're actually showing signs of growing old together. And it is not as romantic. But we still find ways of celebrating, even if we view birthdays differently now. Welcome to 45. Left or right podcast. May is over. It is June the fourth, and I got a little of it left to do. But, you know, a lot of the craziness is over. Devon gets out of school in a couple of days, and summer vacation is almost here. Devin's baseball team won their championship, which was really exciting. They had just a great season. They only lost two games, but you never know at age eleven and twelve if they're gonna blow it or not. You know, they get nervous, they get a little squirrely. And so I'm relieved that they won. They should have won. They did win. Just really fun season. So baseball is over, which frees up a little bit of time for us, but we seem to fill it. Find ways to fill it. We are going to talk about birthdays today and how our birthdays change as we get older. Birthdays are just so exciting as a kid. And then as the milestones get more ominous, we lose our joy for them. Should we? I had a lot of memorable birthdays growing up. And for all the best reasons. My mom put on the best parties. She went all out. We had a backyard pool. So mostly I had pool parties for my birthdays. I wasn't really the most popular kid in school. I was, you know, had average popularity. I didn't care about that stuff. But everyone came to my parties because my mom made them so fun. Most parents who hosted a pool party would just let the kids play in the pool. And that was the party. And honestly, that's how I would probably do it now. But my mom made all of these games and just made it amazing. She would always add an extra twist with pool games with cool favor bags. Just everything. We had water balloon fights. We would wet down the trampoline to jump on it in our swimsuits. Which is really extra fun. I don't know why. Watermelon cake, pizza, juice boxes, and soda. Which normally most kids didn't get. You know, usually. And usually almost all of my classmates came from my elementary school. We had a diving board that was pretty high for those days. So we had diving contests and really all kinds of things that are now considered too dangerous. And they are. But the 1980s just had different safety standards. And we're all okay. This one party, my mom bought these floats that you straddled. And we had relay races on those. Everybody loved that. Of course, a few boys cheated. And they would get off their floats and swim across the pool. But no one really cared because they were having so much fun. And my mom set the tone for this anyway. Like, this is a race, but, you know, it's all about the fun. And this might have been the same party, I can't remember, but she got everyone these crazy. Those are like a crazy straw, but they were sunglasses. And she took a really silly picture of everyone on the trampoline. And I'm sure she has that somewhere, but I'm not sure where. Now that I have thrown twelve birthday parties for Devin. And knowing how much work it is. I do not know how she did it so successfully every year. And she did the same for my brother. And she admits now that she was completely exhausted afterward. And really stressed before. But she always pulled it off. Now that I'm about to turn 46, I have a very different view of each birthday. They just don't. They don't seem special anymore. And not because we don't celebrate my birthday. But I just don't get excited for them anymore. It's like meh okay, another birthday. And how can I already be 46? Honestly, I feel like I'm still 30. And I also think about all of the kids who went to my parties, and now they are turning 46. And are they thinking the same thing? For this week's episode, I interviewed my dear husband, Jeff. We have been married for 22 years in September, and we have celebrated a lot of birthdays together. And when you're young and newly married, it is so fun to say that you're gonna grow old together. But now we're actually showing signs of growing old together, and it is not as romantic, but we still find ways of celebrating, even if we view birthdays differently now. All right, so today is Sunday, June 2. Right. And in the past, my past interviews I have said were the easiest interviews I've ever had. This one will really be the easiest I've ever had because I'm interviewing my husband. Of how many years? Don't get this question wrong. [00:12:52] Speaker B: Almost 22. [00:12:53] Speaker A: There we go. Almost 22 years. And how long have we known each other? [00:13:02] Speaker B: What, tech another five years onto that? [00:13:05] Speaker A: Yeah, it's almost 27 years. [00:13:08] Speaker B: That's a lot. [00:13:09] Speaker A: I know. Somehow you have stayed with me that whole time. [00:13:15] Speaker B: Miraculous. [00:13:16] Speaker A: Miraculous. [00:13:19] Speaker B: Think about all the birthdays we celebrate. [00:13:21] Speaker A: I know. And that is what we are going to talk about today. Birthdays. Because Friday, May 31, Jeff turned. [00:13:34] Speaker B: How long? [00:13:34] Speaker A: How old? [00:13:37] Speaker B: 46. [00:13:38] Speaker A: 46. And in two weeks, right? [00:13:44] Speaker B: Yes. [00:13:44] Speaker A: I turn 46. So our birthdays are usually aligned with each other, and we're the same age. Except I'm younger for two weeks, which I. [00:13:59] Speaker B: You like to celebrate? [00:14:00] Speaker A: I do. I use that to my advantage. Tell me this just to get started. Where did we meet? [00:14:11] Speaker B: We met at Davidson. The wonderful college of Davidson. [00:14:17] Speaker A: Yeah. Do you remember the first time we met and talked to each other? [00:14:23] Speaker B: Well, I mean, I passed you in the, you know, going to and from classes, but at the time, you know, I just. I said hi and did not notice me, nodded my head, and moved on. I was on a, you know, brisk pace to get to the chemistry lab, but, you know, it was friendly. But, you know, the first time we started talking, you know, that we had, you know, know, maybe more than just a hello and a head nod was at a fraternity party. [00:14:56] Speaker A: Yes. A very typical way of meeting in college. Well, you were in the corner and talking to someone else. [00:15:07] Speaker B: Okay. [00:15:07] Speaker A: Yep. And then what? This isn't a quiz. I know you know this story. [00:15:12] Speaker B: Yeah. You came up to me and started talking, and we just. We talked. I'm like, oh, wow, she's. That's very friendly of her. Come up and chat with me. [00:15:24] Speaker A: What a nice girl. The rest of our story we'll get to at another time. But I sure am glad I took. Took the initiative and went after you. Yeah, it's pretty, pretty good. Pretty good. 27 years. [00:15:43] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:45] Speaker A: So today we're going to talk about birthdays, and we have celebrated several birthdays together and in our adult. Our adulthood. Tell everyone, what did we do for our 40th birthday? [00:16:06] Speaker B: The 40th birthday we decided to get together and go skydiving. [00:16:11] Speaker A: Yes. [00:16:12] Speaker B: Yeah. That was fun out at Lake Paris. That was a good, good way to celebrate. [00:16:17] Speaker A: It was. And it was your idea that you hung over my head for an entire year. When we turn 40, we're gonna go skydiving. And I'm like, oh, okay. But I took a lot of joy besides the fact that it was really fun. But I made you go first and you had a look of, oh, dear, what have I done on your face? [00:16:50] Speaker B: Well, I had flown airplanes quite a bit, and so I'm used to, I get up in the air inside an airplane, and I'm used to remaining inside that aircraft until we land and the engine turns off and then everything's good. I'm not used to having, one, having the door open in the middle of the, you know, an altitude and two, actually jumping out that said door with nothing below us except. [00:17:23] Speaker A: And a person strapped to your back. [00:17:25] Speaker B: Strapped to my back the first time for everything. [00:17:28] Speaker A: I guess that was definitely that. That was so cool. I mean, I'm usually the one recommending adventurous things, but it made me really nervous for the entire year before we did it, and I was nervous then, but, wow, it was so much fun. I just, you know, it takes a while to get down from that kind of adrenaline rush, but I thought it was an awesome way to spend our 40th birthday. [00:18:01] Speaker B: That initial drop feels so similar to what you get on the roller coaster, the initial drop. But it longer. It lasts a lot longer. And it's. [00:18:12] Speaker A: You're very aware of. I felt like very aware of my, like, not necessarily my mortality, but you're just in this funny little jumpsuit and looking down, you just see, I mean, really, it's kind of desert out there. Desert, Lake Paris. That's it. It's just like, that's it. And you're just plummeting to the earth. But, you know, it's supposed to be safe. We made it. All right. So speaking of other birthdays, what were. Well, let's start with this. Where did you grow up? [00:18:56] Speaker B: I grew up in Evergreen, Colorado. [00:18:59] Speaker A: Yes. [00:18:59] Speaker B: Celebrated and growing up, of course, when you're that age, you know, each birthday is special because you have friends over. I had a lot of parties where I got together with friends either at. At the house or sometimes at, you know, like Chuck E. Cheese or. [00:19:16] Speaker A: Chuck E. Cheese. [00:19:18] Speaker B: Various. Various partying places and arcade places and in some cases, later on, you know, some putt putt places or water parks or. [00:19:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:29] Speaker B: But it was always. It was always entertainment. It was always fun to get friends together to celebrate. [00:19:35] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:19:35] Speaker B: So at that age, every age, every birthday was important. [00:19:39] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. You're older and you're growing up and like, I am ten years old, I'm double digits and, you know, I'm 15, I got my learner's permit or whatever. There's always something to look forward to. Well, what were your birthdays like when you were a kid? [00:20:01] Speaker B: I mean, like I mentioned, a lot of them. A lot of them. We got together at my house in Evergreen and friends would get together and we'd celebrate. And some of those occasions, we'd have sleepovers, a whole bunch of kids, boys down in the basement in sleeping bags. But sometimes they were just, like I said, we just get together, go to Chuck E. Cheese or. Yeah, showbiz pizza. [00:20:34] Speaker A: Showbiz pizza. It always was one or the other. [00:20:37] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:38] Speaker A: Yeah. Your mom was a saint for having a bunch of boys in her house for a sleepover. Yeah. [00:20:46] Speaker B: There was one time, I remember we had. We all came over and we had played down. There's a creek down at the bottom of the sort of the hill that the house is on. Played in the creek for a little bit, tried to build the dam and whatever, but we all made it back and had a sleepover. And we found the next morning, as I recall. I think it was the next morning, but we found a salamander. [00:21:09] Speaker A: Oh. [00:21:10] Speaker B: That somehow had come back up with one of. One of the boys from the creek, you know, so we had a salamander in the house. Kind of scared everyone. [00:21:20] Speaker A: Yeah, I'm sure. I wouldn't think that would spoon your mom too much, though. She was unspookable. Did you usually have joint birthdays with your brother? I mean, you guys never. Oh, that's good. [00:21:33] Speaker B: Never. [00:21:34] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:21:35] Speaker B: And we were far enough. That's true. A few months apart. That, um. [00:21:39] Speaker A: That's true, yeah. Jeff's brother, my brother in law Eric, is what they don't call them irish twins, but you're just a little over a year older or between. [00:21:52] Speaker B: Yeah. So we were. So his birthday was. Was two months after mine. [00:21:56] Speaker A: Yeah, that's good. Yeah. [00:21:58] Speaker B: So. But, yeah, so we never, you know, we always wanted our own birthdays. [00:22:04] Speaker A: Yeah. I think that's a good way to go. Do you have a birthday you had growing up? I guess what's, let's say, to the age of 14 or so, that was like, the number one, best one you ever had. [00:22:20] Speaker B: Um, I don't have. I don't have really any that stand out. I mean, I, of course, enjoyed the, you know, my 16th one to get my driver's license. That was. Yeah, that was an important one for me. [00:22:38] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. [00:22:40] Speaker B: To be able to go out and take the driving test on my birthday. [00:22:45] Speaker A: Oh, nice. Kids don't do that anymore. Yeah. [00:22:49] Speaker B: But, yeah, before that, I mean, I remember bits and pieces. There's not one, you know, going to a water park on a couple of birthdays. I enjoyed that. There was a water park. It's closed now in Denver, but they had a really neat water slide that you actually had to take stairs. And the slide started above the building outside. [00:23:11] Speaker A: Oh. [00:23:11] Speaker B: And you get in the sliding and, you know, circle in and go into the building. And of course, it ended up in a pool. But that was a lot. [00:23:20] Speaker A: Yeah, that'd be kind of creepy. Cool. Now as an adult, so I'm guessing, I don't know, let's say from when you started college until now, what are some ways you've celebrated your birthday? Yeah. [00:23:40] Speaker B: You know, more, you know, some of the more important birthdays, just, you know, getting. Getting together with friends. It's similar, in a sense, to what I enjoyed as a kid, but, you know, having my adult friends. I mean, my 21st birthday, I don't remember, but that's. That's okay. [00:24:03] Speaker A: Do I remember your 21st birthday? I don't think I do. [00:24:11] Speaker B: But, you know, some of the, you know, I enjoyed the one. The birthday that really stands out was my 30th birthday. That was. You helped organize that? [00:24:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:22] Speaker B: In Charlotte. [00:24:24] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:24:24] Speaker B: And that was a surprise birthday, man. [00:24:29] Speaker A: The coordination that took was, was hard because you're pretty curious. And I was like, okay, I gotta hide this. I gotta hide this. I gotta talk to this person and make sure Jeff's not wondering what's going on. And you had no idea, did you? [00:24:45] Speaker B: I had no idea. Remember Jason? Just Jason and our other neighbor, Eric, you know, we went to. It was just a shooting range. [00:24:56] Speaker A: Yeah. Shot the 22, right? Yeah. While I had everyone come over, come over, decorate. [00:25:04] Speaker B: And there I was, just out there with Jason and Eric, you know, shooting twenty two s and whatever other guns that Jason brought along and okay, that's great. Come back. And the whole house is decorated. Lots of cars and people. Yeah, that was a fun one. [00:25:25] Speaker A: I think I had your. Your parents wrote that one. I want to say. I'm pretty sure they were there. I think my. At least my mom was there, obviously, all of our friends in Charlotte. We lived in Charlotte for six years and had a great group of friends there. And we had a pool. So, you know, it was. There was a lot of pool parties. And, you know, I don't know if I remember your face as much as you could tell. You had absolutely no idea that it was going on. So that was success for me. [00:26:05] Speaker B: That was a successful. Right. Normally, I would catch on little things that you're doing. [00:26:12] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. [00:26:13] Speaker B: Things that you've hidden or plans or things like that. I was completely oblivious. [00:26:21] Speaker A: Sneaky, sneaky. And it's very. I know. For me at this point, you know, the one thing with your birthday being May 31 is it's also the day at the time where people are graduating from things are getting married or everything's ending. Like, it's just your birthday is often not front and center. And that always bothered me and has bothered me because you deserve to have a good celebration. You're awesome. And so I'm like, okay, this is my opportunity. I think your birthday was actually on that Saturday, or maybe it was really close to that weekend, and let's go. [00:27:08] Speaker B: I just know. And when I was younger, I certainly enjoyed every birthday was special for me. But as I'm getting older now, it's like, well, okay, it's another birthday. [00:27:21] Speaker A: I know. [00:27:22] Speaker B: It doesn't have the same excitement. [00:27:26] Speaker A: Right. I know. It's getting harder and harder to get you to say, this is what I want to do for my birthday. And this is what I want for my birthday. [00:27:35] Speaker B: You're just like, meh, there's nothing to celebrate. I'm just getting, you know, I've climbed that hill now. You know, I'm hopping on my little, you know, skateboard to go down on the other side. [00:27:47] Speaker A: The skateboard. Not a scooter. Like a little rascal scooter, you know, motorized, though, according to Devin. We're not at the top of the hill. He says we're still climbing the hill. Okay, so I'm going to just. Okay, well, we'll go with that. [00:28:08] Speaker B: Yeah, a little bit higher. Let's keep. [00:28:11] Speaker A: Keep going. That's absolutely Everest now. Like, so, yeah, we've talked about this. When. When does your. When do you think your birthday. You started seeing your birthday is like, not as exciting anymore. [00:28:26] Speaker B: You know, for me, I would say after 40. [00:28:31] Speaker A: Oh, really? Okay. [00:28:33] Speaker B: Interesting. 40 wasn't, you know, I remember. I remember 40. That was. That was a neat one. But then after that, it's. I don't know. Now it's just, yeah, I'm 40 and change and. [00:28:45] Speaker A: Right. That's. [00:28:46] Speaker B: That's all. That's. I don't. I don't need to think about, you know, getting one year closer to 50. [00:28:54] Speaker A: But we said that about 40, and then we hit 40, and we were like, oh, okay, all right, this isn't too bad. [00:29:00] Speaker B: 40 was. Yeah, we'll see. But, you know, maybe the fifties, the new. [00:29:06] Speaker A: I don't know, the new 40. That's what I've heard. I don't know about that. Trying to think. I mean, when we had Devon, I was 34, and I think I sort of felt like maybe my memory has changed as I got older, but I sort of felt like, okay, well, yeah, birthdays are still exciting. Go me. But, yeah, 40. I was kind of like, oh, all right, well, you know, I've liked my forties a lot. Just, I feel like I'm coming into my own and, you know, sort of not taking crap from anybody as much. I don't know. How do you feel? How has the forties been for you? [00:29:57] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, it's. They feel like. They feel like, as you hear a lot of people say, it's. The time seems to go by faster. [00:30:07] Speaker A: Yeah, that's true. I know. [00:30:10] Speaker B: My. My forties, I feel like, you know, I can't believe I'm already 46. [00:30:16] Speaker A: Yeah, I know. [00:30:18] Speaker B: Well, I just celebrated 40. Even some people at work were comedy and was like, you know, I said it was my birthday, like, oh, you must be like, what, 42, 43? Oh, no, they're like, wow, that has gone by fast. [00:30:32] Speaker A: Well, they're not helpful. At least they thought you were younger than you were. I know. I do find myself think, saying a lot. I'm 40, not 46 yet, but I'm 45. I'm 45. 45, you know? But I don't know, maybe we should do something like skydive every year and that way, you know, because this year, what do we do for your birthday? [00:31:05] Speaker B: Oh, I enjoyed my birthday. [00:31:07] Speaker A: Well, that's good. [00:31:08] Speaker B: Just going. Having good sushi. [00:31:10] Speaker A: Yes. [00:31:11] Speaker B: Spending time with my family. Oh, yeah. [00:31:14] Speaker A: Watching the flight of the navigator. Wow. [00:31:17] Speaker B: Yes. [00:31:17] Speaker A: Which he has wanted me to watch for years and years and years. [00:31:22] Speaker B: A good 1986. Yeah. [00:31:25] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, it was good. It was good. Well, but again, we had to alter our plans because Friday you wanted to go bowling and Devin had batting practice, and then Saturday he had baseball, but they won. So, you know, that was for you, I'm sure. But I glad you still enjoyed it. It was good. I'm not ready to talk about mine yet. I know. I will say as I've gotten older, I don't want to do anything too grand, I guess, you know, just maybe we're just mellowing. [00:32:10] Speaker B: Yeah. You know, we'll get something good when we turn 50, but I don't want to think about that. [00:32:17] Speaker A: No, I don't either. Well, I don't know. I think that's the thing with birthdays is it's a way of marking time, and that's good when you're little, you know, and you've got all these, you have all these milestones back to back when you're a kid, you know, but then you hit a certain age and it's like, oh, first of all, the milestones are further and further apart. And they also, you know, at some point you're like, oh, I don't like. [00:32:48] Speaker B: This milestone less, much less appealing. [00:32:53] Speaker A: Right, right. But I don't know, maybe we should look at it as, oh, this is another year of celebrating ourselves. Right. So for my birthday, let's go skydiving again. Nah, it's too much. Too much anyway. Oh, well, I appreciate you very much because I've been wanting to get you on my show for a while, but I wanted the right topic and thank you. You'll be on it again for sure. [00:33:30] Speaker B: I'm sure I will. [00:33:31] Speaker A: This is the last, last you've heard of Jeff, but thank you, my sweets. Love you. Welcome back to 45 left to right podcast. I hope you enjoyed my interview with Jeff. We had a lot of fun doing it, and I will definitely be interviewing him again on many other topics if he is willing. I wanted to do. I did a little research about the history of birthdays, and the first source is actually from the website of a trampoline park called Rebounders. And they have a few different places in Michigan, Florida and California. Normally, I would not use a website of a, you know, business as a source, but I noticed that a lot of these different kinds of places, like trampoline parks, laser tag places, places that do kids birthday parties, a lot of them have the same information. So I think it's good. So we don't actually know when birthdays were first celebrated, but it was first mentioned in the Hebrew Bible. These celebrations happened around 3000 BCE and they were for an egyptian pharaoh, but I'm not sure which one they weren't for the pharaoh's actual birthday, but it was more like a coronation celebrating the coronation date, because they believed that when they became a pharaoh, they were becoming God. So it was like they had a new life as a God. The ancient Greeks also celebrated their gods in this way with moon shaped cakes, and that was to honor their lunar goddess Artemis. So as a way to recreate the moon's radiance in Artemis beauty, they added lit candles to look like the cakes were glowing. And thus we have birthday cakes, or our birthday cakes were influenced by this. The Romans were the first society to celebrate birthdays for non religious figures, but only for men. Women did not have birthday celebrations until the 12th century. So women could give birth, but their own birthdays could not be celebrated. And I'm sorry, I know some men do not understand why women are so bitter, but it is stuff like this. The Romans introduced giving the honoree presents. Now, I wonder when it was acceptable, and I guess in some places it still isn't for the birthday person to hand over a list for these presents. I am a big fan of lists, especially when it comes to my own birthday. This is what I want. Thank you very much. We have the Germans to thank for most of what we recognize as a birthday party now. And that became a thing first in the 18th century, they called their children's birthday parties kinder festa with birthday cakes for a candle for each year and then an extra candle to symbolize the year ahead. Now, I have heard of this practice before, but I've never done it. But I really like that idea. It's really cool. And they also started to blow out the candles to make a wish. These birthday parties were, of course, for the wealthy first because the cake ingredients were so expensive. But with the industrial revolution, these ingredients became cheaper, and they also started to have conveyor belts. And that made it so they could mass produce cakes more easily, which also helped. I am very grateful for this. I am very grateful that I can just go down to my local grocery store and order a cake and get it decorated. Delicious. I just not. I'm not a good baker and I'm really not a good decorator. I made the ugliest cake for Devin's first birthday. I made it. I was trying to make it look like a jeopardy. Game board because he loved watching Jeopardy. I'm sure it was the colors and the sounds, but it was blue. That's all that was recognizable in that cake. I will find the picture and I'll post it on my new website and on social media. So another little part of birthdays that I hadn't thought about is the, you know how birthdays and tracking time are related to marking milestones. So the second bit of research I did, or the second source is a little more reputable than the first one, and it's from the Oakland Post online. The title is, after all, when did celebrating birthdays become a thing? And it's by Leticia Cesario Santos. She is the marketing director for that newspaper, and she wrote this, February 15, 2023. In the United States, our tradition of celebrating birthdays came much later. Not until the early 20th century, though the middle class celebrations were earlier in the 19th century. This is according to, and this was quoted by Joe Pinsker of the Atlantic. I actually would normally go to the original source, go to the Atlantic, but I let my subscription lapse and there's a paywall. But. So I kind of went with this. But the Atlantic is fantastic. Just expensive. So before the mid 19th century in the United States, children were valued for what work they could do for the family and less valuable otherwise, I guess, not as beloved. I know on farms they had lots of children and big families to help on the farm. And also, unfortunately, there was an expectation that a few of their children would die. So they have these big families, but it's was kind of more for work. As people accrued more wealth, families got smaller and parents had fewer children. So parents shifted their focus more on their children, and children became emotionally valuable. You know, parents started to cherish their children and not necessarily see them as this is my little worker be now to us in 2024. You know, I'm a little bit horrified that anyone could view a child merely as another worker for the family. But I did not live then, and so I'm not gonna judge too harshly. What is really interesting to me is that as the 19th century progressed, the widespread production of household clocks and pocket watches made it so Americans knew what time it was regularly. And this is another quote from Pinsker. And as more people follow the schedules of factories, streetcars, and trains, they had more reason to watch those clocks. As Americans became more aware of time, they also became more aware of how it passed in their own lives. I didn't even think about that. So as Americans became more aware of time, and along with this increasing wealth and an increase in capitalism, birthdays actually started bringing more anxiety related to life plans. You have these milestones that you can measure yourself to other people or your own life goals. Are you ahead of time? Are you on time? Are you behind time? I always feel like I am behind time. So for me, with my birthdays, I am definitely always aware of the passage of time, especially as I hit 35 and on up to today, I was most aware of this when we decided to have children, or Devon child. We'd always planned on having a child before I hit 30, though. We thought, you know, early thirties would work. So I had Devin when I was 34, and I felt like that was so late now. I think it worked out because I just did not have my shit together until then. In fact, Devin helped me get my shit together. So now I have classmates from high school and college who have children graduating from high school, and I think, how is that possible? But it's just. It's actually quite possible. But it is one way to mark the passage of time. My thirties are a bit of a blur. So when I hit 40, I started thinking about how I had not reached any of my career goals by then. I mean zero. I was still trying to figure it out. I basically started a career completely over, and I felt well beyond the power curve. I was actually jealous, and sometimes I still am. Of my fellow students from UC Irvine who were in their early twenties, and they're landing all of these great jobs in journalism or going to journalism school, and I had nothing, but I also just wasn't in the place to accomplish what they were doing. I couldn't just move anywhere, and I couldn't put in lots of hours in a week because at that time, Devin was only six or so. Turning 40, for me, was scary in theory, but it wasn't as scary as I thought it was going to be. Besides the skydiving part. Oh, that was so fun. About a year in, I realized that I was comfortable in who I was much more than before. I wasn't going to put up with as much crap to be just to be polite or not to ruffle any feathers. I've actually enjoyed my forties, and it's empowering, I think, to be in my forties most of the time. But I'll be 46 in nine days, which puts me closer to 50 than 40, and I just don't like it. I am generally very happy with my life and where I am now, but I'm doing the math and I'm doubling my age, and I'm thinking, oh, no, I am closer to death than the beginning of my life. I'm starting to think about my own mortality, which leads me to thinking about my religious views. And that's very complicated. I'm starting to think about what kind of disasters are ahead. What's going to go wrong in my life, what's going to go wrong in the world? How are we going to deal with it? Massive anxiety. I try not to think negatively, but, you know, it's hard not to. My knees ache. I have to wear reading glasses now. I don't sleep as well. I get tired more easily. I'm not as fast or agile, and I get injured more. When I say I'm getting old, no one corrects me anymore. They don't say, oh, no, you're not. It's just awkward silence. And this is the first year I don't really want to do anything exciting for my birthday. In recent years, you know, aside from skydiving, we've been parasailing. We took surfing lessons, of course, gone to the beach. We've camped and hiked. We've gone on trips. And this year, nothing really comes to my mind. It's just meh. Just meh. One freeing thing about getting older is that I realized that I can put down boundaries and be okay with that. I don't enjoy hiking, so I don't do that anymore. I won't do that anymore. I tend to fall off bikes or run into things in on a bike. So I will only bike if it is very flat and open and I need a comfortable seat. I am okay with that. I will not camp in the cold rain. I will not camp on an air mattress. I need, at minimum, a cot. I like having the house completely to myself. I don't feel guilty spending time away from my family sometimes to hang out with my friends. I enjoy doing things by myself, like paddle boarding. I like lifting weights by myself, and I like to swim by myself in the pool, in the ocean. Like to go with people, of course. And I would like to say that I expect to have some kind of epiphany when I turn 46, but for me, it will just be another day. Jeff will make it special. He always does. And I enjoy the cake and getting to do what I want to do for a day, but I'm not going to feel that rush like you get as a kid when you turn ten and you're double digits, or you turn 16 and you can drive 21, you get to have your first legal drink. But then the next milestone, like sort of is age 25. You can rent a car, and then it's kind of, I don't know, downhill from there. Welcome back to 45. Left or right podcast? Just want to end here with a few more thoughts and sort of a story. Devin had his 12th birthday in April. And yes, April, May, and June. Very busy birthday months for us. And after two years of really fun, yet overstimulating parkour parties, we decided to have a video game truck at our house for his birthday. If you haven't heard of this, this big truck parks in front of your house, or in our case, our cul de sac. And we blocked our neighbors houses too. But they're amazing. And inside of the truck, they have these big tvs, and they have every gaming system and just a huge selection of video games. And the kids just get to geek out on games for 2 hours. And honestly, by the end of the party, even the adults were there playing Mario kart. It was super fun. I will also post photos of that. The best part is they have two game attendants with the truck. So the adults, you know, all of our friends, just, they. We hung out in our backyard and talked. It was magic for everyone. Now that Devin is almost a teenager one more year, I really measure my own aging with his. I had him when I was 20, or, I'm sorry, when I was 34. And I thought that was so old for having a child. And now he is twelve. And I think, how am I old enough to have a twelve year old? There have been subtle differences for Devin and how he is aging. Even at his party last year, kids were so hyped up and overstimulated. And there were, I think we had like 25 kids, and some of them were probably, like, starting to develop some hormones. It was just wild. There were like these little pushing fights. There were some tears. There were kids that were just overwhelmed with everything. And though Devon was very unaware that all of this was happening and he was having the time of his life, it was too much. This year, when we asked him to limit his guest list to a max of 15, he was a little upset. He wanted to invite his entire baseball team and all of his other friends. And we just said, you know, no, it's too much. But after the video game party, where I think we only had eight or so, he was really happy. He liked that it was metal mellow, but he still had a really fun time. And I'm enjoying this transition in him because it shows he's maturing, and that's fun for us. So maybe instead of thinking that a more mellow birthday is boring in a sign that we're getting old, maybe we should just embrace that mellow is good. And hey, we're 46. If we change our minds, and want something more exciting, then we just do it. We don't need permission to change our minds. Thank you so much for listening to 45 left or right podcast. Whether you are a new listener, a faithful one, or somewhere in between, I had to tell you guys I have a new website, 45 leftorwrightpodcast.com. please check it out. There's access to all of the episodes. And then I have a blog that has more stories about each episode, more content, and pictures for each episode. I'm also on all of the socials, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and occasionally I'm on TikTok, so check it out. Thanks again for listening, and bye for now.