Episode Transcript
[00:00:21] Welcome to 45 Left to Right podcast episode 8 Grumpy Pants.
[00:00:29] I am really grumpy right now because I'm learning a new sound editing program and they're all different and they all seem to make it difficult. But I think once I learned this one, I won't be as grumpy. We will see.
[00:00:46] The last week I was at my small, wonderful 24.7Gym. It was leg day, so I was extra grumpy, but I was also very satisfied at the same time. That is what leg day is all about.
[00:01:06] I was there at a different time than usual, around 2 in the afternoon. I usually go between 10 and 11.
[00:01:16] I was hoping that that would be a quiet time, but that was not to be. It started off quiet until I got to my glute max kickbacks part of my routine. About halfway through, suddenly, across the gym, a very small gym, was the smell of if Axe body spray made a baby powder smell. That is what it smelled like.
[00:01:46] So there was this smell and then the sound of a young man in his early 20s slamming the bar in weights down with every rep of his deadlift. Donk, donk, donk. It was that very obvious display of rather insecure masculinity.
[00:02:11] Look at me. I am the most important person at the gym. Look at me, I am lifting heavy weights.
[00:02:21] I tried to let this go. I didn't want to be the complainer. I didn't want to ruin my gym. I didn't want to make waves. I didn't want to ruin my gym.
[00:02:35] And then I saw he was lifting right under the sign that says no grunting, no slamming of weights and clean up after yourself. Essentially right under it.
[00:02:53] He either isn't very observant or was purposefully defying the etiquette of the gym.
[00:03:02] Rules aren't for him. He's too important.
[00:03:07] It took me until the 45 degree back extensions to gather up the courage to say something. He was ruining my gym experience and probably others and I wouldn't have it. So I approached him and I said, hey buddy. He ignored me, hey buddy. And I pointed at the sign and I said, this is a no slamming gym. Take it down a notch. He did not like this and he turned his back to me and he said, don't worry about it. And trying to like slough me off.
[00:03:50] He does not know who he is dealing with. I returned the fire and I said, I do worry about it. Stop slamming your weights. I walked away, but I was shaking and I hate that you get angry and you do something about it. And then you have this additional emotional reaction. Now he did put his weights away though. He slammed a couple and he glared at me just for good measure and that was that. I caught him glaring at me a few times, but that is a him problem. Along with his smell.
[00:04:32] I also avoided any additional eye contact though. Like I didn't really want to engage with this guy.
[00:04:42] So here I'm just, you know, shaking and mad and trying to ignore his glares and his smell. I mean, seriously, don't wear that crap to the gym. I could smell from across the gym, but I am in the right here. I was hoping to get some eye contact, or not of appreciation from the others at the gym for my heroic efforts, but everyone had their heads down and the earbuds in and everyone else is a bunch of wimps. I am normally not confrontational. I usually do the same. I have my head down, I have my earbuds in. I really, this is the only place in my life where I would rather be anonymous and not talk to anybody.
[00:05:41] But I've had so many people defy gym etiquette. They don't put their weights away. They work out right in front of the dumbbell rack. I can't get to the dumbbell rack. They take up three machines. They are slamming their weights and I was just tired of just accepting it and letting it slide and not saying something.
[00:06:08] How grumpy do I sound? But I was standing up for the injustice of an obnoxious person in the gym. I say to Devin all the time, don't take over the room. I don't appreciate it when people flex like this and ruin others experience.
[00:06:35] You know, it might not have been intended, but it's still annoying.
[00:06:41] Like for Devin, when I'm watching a show or a documentary and Devin or Jeff comes running down the stairs and they don't regard what I'm watching and what I'm doing. I mean, I work in the living room and I record at the kitchen table. So recognize I'm doing something here and don't make any noise and don't try to get my attention. But Devin especially, he wants to demand my attention.
[00:07:14] And even if he's doing something funny or positive, I don't want Devin to grow up to be a person that routinely does something like that. I want him to consider others and I want him to consider the experience of others.
[00:07:32] Like last night, Devin tried to take the remote control off of my lap when I was watching Dateline and I made that a lesson for him. I, of course I said, what are you doing?
[00:07:49] Don't do that. Don't take over the room. And then I made him watch the entirety of my show just to rub in the lesson. The thing is, most people let these things go, these little things.
[00:08:05] This isn't ignoring a dictator who is slaughtering a whole ethnic group. This isn't pretending not to see a child getting kidnapped. This is a smelly, rude person at the gym.
[00:08:21] Why am I so triggered by this bad behavior? Why did it put me into such a rage that I walked over to this guy, reprimanded him, and then walked away shaking?
[00:08:41] So today's podcast, we're going to talk about why do we get more grumpy and irritable as we get older? What is happening and, you know, what can we do about it?
[00:09:13] Welcome back to 45 left or right podcast. It's going to talk about some research with midlife irritability.
[00:09:24] And it actually has a name beyond just Grumpy Old man or Grumpy Old Woman Syndrome. It is called midlife rage, and both men and women actually get it. But people generally notice when women get it, they honestly, people kind of expect men to get grumpy as they age. It's a whole trope. It was a whole movie. Grumpy Old Men, which is really funny. But when women get it, you know, something is seen as wrong with us or, you know, oh, you're being hysterical.
[00:10:07] So I'm going to actually address both, you know, midlife rage in both men and women, But I'm going to talk about women first and then men in the next part. There are signs of midlife rage. I love that term, midlife rage.
[00:10:27] Number one, is feeling a loss of value and purpose.
[00:10:34] Two is a change in sleeping patterns. I'd like to reference my previous episode about insomnia.
[00:10:44] Three, changes in emotional responses, like something you would normally have let go, you act and get mad about. Hmm.
[00:10:57] Number four, displaying uncharacteristic behavior like screaming or shouting, an urge to hit out, sulking.
[00:11:09] I don't know if my anger is necessarily uncharacteristic. It's just how I choose to use it. So another is excluding others from a social group. Now, I don't think I've ever done that in my life. I don't believe in that, but I know others do. Storming away from a situation. You know, the first article is from the Journal of Psychiatry and Neuroscience, July 2008, and it is a little dated, but this is really cool research because it came up with a new Female Specific irritability rating. Scale instead of lumping men and women altogether. This is specific to women. It's interesting and it's encouraging, but it kind of is also infuriating at the same time. It's like, well, let's talk about women's irritability. But we definitely get it. So first I'm just going to go through their definition of irritability. Irritability is defined as a proneness to anger, annoyance, or impatience. It is characterized by a state of physical and psychological tension that may suddenly and rapidly escalate and may include reduced control over temper, a heightened or excessive sensitivity to external stimuli, and irascible verbal or behavioral outburst, even explosive aggressiveness.
[00:12:54] Now, they say that irritability is a very common symptom in. There's a whole spectrum of female specific mood disorders that occur from, of course, perimenopause to menopause.
[00:13:12] And of course, everyone knows about premenstrual irritability. I think our.
[00:13:19] Whoever else is living in our house with us can probably know when the period is imminent. I know Jeff usually does.
[00:13:30] But of course these are specific to women because we have a lot of different hormonal changes going on now in perimenopause, which is currently what I am in. And usually I think you start from your late. It can be from your late 30s onward.
[00:13:50] Irritability is actually the number one mood complaint of women during perimenopause, and it is across all cultures.
[00:14:02] Our depression also goes way up after the age of 41. So I am right there in the middle. Though women, younger women from the ages of 36 to 41 also report higher levels of depression. I think they're comparing it to the general population now, like I said, this is a scale that they're developing that uses terminology specific to women. And this is really interesting, the descriptions of irritability, men and women used different terminology. So men would say, I'm sore, I'm grouchy, I'm miserable, upset, I'm critical, I'm looking for trouble. Oh yeah, I'm on a power trip, I'm cynical, sarcastic, those sort of words. Whereas women use words like I have less patience, or I'm impatient, I'm intolerant, I am. I have terrible intolerability, I'm unsettled. And then this is kind of interesting, kind of indicates more sadness. I'm weepy and I'm moody, I'm short with my friends and family, I'm more emotional, which I think is a learned term, and also unable to focus.
[00:15:29] I can definitely relate.
[00:15:33] Now, of course, this Study talks about how hormones are the culprit for our moodiness, that whole progesterone, estrogen, and then we also have lowered serotonin as we go through the. Let's just call it the menopausal process.
[00:15:54] I don't think we can always be saying, well, it's that, because it is important. And they are, you know, partly to blame, shall we say. But I don't think we can always just say, oh, it's hormonal, because there's usually other factors. And one of the factors is systemic inequality or inequity.
[00:16:20] So.
[00:16:21] So basically, even though times have changed, and I think I'm just going to assume at this time a heterosexual relationship, a husband and a wife, you know, just so you know. But women. So even though I think men take more of a partnership in domestic labor, for the most part, or at least from my experience, women still do most of the caregiving. You know, they're taking care of children, they're taking care of aging parents. There's all that invisible labor that they just do and no one sees or no one acknowledges.
[00:17:07] And then, you know, that all is going on in our lives and it is just raging and we don't have time for ourselves or any kind of release. Usually I go to the gym, which is why I don't like it when someone ruins my gym experience.
[00:17:25] I mean, I'll be nuts if I don't have the gym or exercise.
[00:17:32] So what are we supposed to do about it?
[00:17:36] All right, you know how I feel about this advice. If you've been listening, this is from healthline.com and it's basically menopause, perimenopausal range. And what to do about it? Number one, accept your anger.
[00:17:56] So our tendency is just to hold in our anger. Don't make waves, don't pay attention to it. This is a learned behavior. And just what we do. And by holding it in, it actually leads to more depression and more anxiety because you're just. You're holding it. So it says, listen to your body and accept that your anger could be due to your hormones. I do not believe. Even if it is because of our hormones, that doesn't mean it's any less valid. Honestly.
[00:18:35] What if our anger is absolutely justified? It is okay to release it. I mean, you know, don't take a sledgehammer to anything, but verbalize why you're angry. Like, what if the guy ahead of you in line is flirting with the cashier who is not down with it?
[00:18:58] He needs to be corrected. What if you really are in a hurry. And the person with the full shopping cart in the express line is being inconsiderate. You know, you don't have to yell at them, but you could say, okay, this is what I would do. Oh, you know, there is a limit to this line. Can I go ahead of you? Or, you know, I would probably say something sarcastic like, oh, you must be in the wrong line. You know, the full line is over there. By the way, this is why Jeff does the grocery shopping. I do get very angry there. I don't hold it back anymore.
[00:19:39] Number two, take a step back. Now, this article says, when you're in the midst of a heated moment, take a step back and talk. You know, think about where your emotions are coming from. I actually think this is probably a good idea. Again, you might have absolute valid anger, but maybe take a step back and think, is there something else contributing to it?
[00:20:10] This article suggests, does this person or situation deserve the level of anger that I want to direct at them?
[00:20:21] Does Vladimir Putin deserve your greatest expression of rage ever?
[00:20:27] Yes.
[00:20:29] Does the guy at the gym?
[00:20:31] No. But he does deserve a very polite pointing out of the sign that expressly says not to do what he is doing. I was polite, but firm.
[00:20:45] Number three, find an outlet.
[00:20:50] So finding some kind of outlet that helps you work through your emotions may help those. This says mood swings. I mean, that again, assumes it's from. Always from hormones, but. All right, we'll go with it.
[00:21:09] Now, the suggestions it has to me are kind of funny. Um, one, of course is exercise, but sometimes at the gym, in exercising, it triggers my anger, but it's still a wonderful outlet. So some of the suggestions they have are creative outlets like gardening, painting, sculpting. Honestly, podcasting really helps me. I have a microphone and I get to vent when I want because it's my show. But these things give you a quiet place in your mind to work through your emotions.
[00:21:50] Now, I think these are great outlets for sure. I have a lot of friends who enjoy gardening. I actually enjoy drawing as an outlet, although I haven't been able to do it much because life is chaotic. But what I don't like about these is it kind of has the tone of, oh, bless your heart, find something calm to do so you can calm yourself, you poor darling. But they're still valid things. And by the way, all of these are things that you can do while also watching your children, which they tend to tell women to do. So, you know, go golfing if you. If you get the chance.
[00:22:33] I found a great website and source. Some of you might have heard of her previously, but I hadn't but her name is Brene Brown and according to her bio on her website, she is a research professor at the University of Houston.
[00:22:50] She is the Huffington Foundation Endowed Chair. She's also a visiting professor in management at the University of Texan at Austin McComb School of Business.
[00:23:05] She basically has spent 20 years studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. And then she has a couple of New York Times bestsellers. And then she has two podcasts, Unlocking Us and Dare to Lead.
[00:23:24] So this is a I like this quote from her. She says, I believe that you have to walk through vulnerability to get to courage. Therefore, this is a great term from the military. Embrace the suck. I try to be grateful every day and my motto right now is courage over comfort.
[00:23:47] This is the coolest perspective I've heard so far about midlife. And it says, midlife is not a crisis. Midlife is an unraveling.
[00:24:04] I love that.
[00:24:07] So let's see. She basically says if you look at midlife as this kind of as a series of random standalone struggles, you might be lured into believing that you're managing several crises.
[00:24:29] So what she says is the truth, that the midlife unraveling is a series of painful nudges strung together by low grade anxiety and depression, quiet desperation, and an insidious loss of control.
[00:24:49] By low grade quiet and insidious, she says, I mean, it's enough to make you crazy, but seldom enough for people on the outside to validate the struggle or offer you help in respite. It's the dangerous kind of suffering, the kind that allows you to pretend that everything is okay.
[00:25:17] I am going to let that sink in for a minute.
[00:25:22] I think again, as women again, I'll get Tian Men. But we go. Throughout our days, we do what needs to get done.
[00:25:32] We collect these microaggressions throughout the day and we hold it in because we're supposed to be in control and calm and if we show any bit of irritability or anxiety, we show it outwardly. Then we're hysterical.
[00:25:58] And you know, it shouldn't be that way. We should be able to release it in whatever way works for you.
[00:26:09] So, she continues, what bubbles up from this internal turmoil is fantasy. We might glance over at a cheap motel while we're driving down the highway and think, I'll just check in and stay there until they come looking for me. Then they'll know I am losing my mind. Or maybe we're standing in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher. When we suddenly find ourselves holding up a glass and wondering, would my family take this struggle more seriously if I just started hurling all of this shit through the window?
[00:26:53] I have a story from my mom I don't think she'd mind me telling. When we were young children and you know, I don't think she had been married to my dad for too long. And they had a big argument and she was so mad she decided to just leave. She got in the car and she left and she thought to herself, I'm going to see how long it takes them to miss me. Will they miss me? Will they wonder where I have been? And she went and she saw a movie and which I think is really smart. She took herself out of the situation and she thought, all right, I'm going to, let's see how long. I'm going to go home and see if they miss me or wonder where I was.
[00:27:46] And she gave it and my dad said, oh, how was the movie?
[00:27:52] Because she had left her driver's license at the movie and they called to say that her driver's license was there. So my dad knew where she was the whole time. And she's like, I felt so foolish, but I don't think it's foolish because she took herself out of an angry situation that was making her frustrated and she took a break for herself. Bravo moment. So again with Brene Brown. She says, here we are considering these things, throwing a glass or checking into a motel and just having some time or wondering if your family's gonna miss you. And she says, most of us opt out of these choices. We'd have to arrange to let the dog out and have the kids picked up. Before where we checked into the lonely roadside motel. We'd spend hours cleaning up glass and apologizing for our quote, bad choices to our temper tantrum prone toddlers. It just wouldn't be worth it. So most of us just push through it until losing it is no longer a voluntary fantasy.
[00:29:10] So all of this is to say irritability and anger is absolutely normal and sometimes justified at our age. And it's not always because of your hormones. Some of it could just be you are in go mode and trying to get things done and you have no outlet for yourself. So I don't love to give lots of advice, but the advice I have for women specifically is it's okay to be angry and it's okay to tell people why you're angry and you just might need to sacrifice the well being of your family. That will be Fine, by the way, and take care of yourself.
[00:30:19] Welcome back to 45 Left to Right podcast. We're going to talk now about grumpy old man syndrome. Adam, Most of us have heard this term and I think have probably encountered a grumpy, grumpy old man. But another way, another name for it is irritable male syndrome, which sounds a lot more.
[00:30:46] When I think of a grumpy old man, I think of my dad being easily irritated with idiots everywhere. But I don't remember at what age that started happening. My mom might have a sarcastic answer for that, but I'm not going to go there. And honestly, most of the time he got irritated. There was a reason to be irritated. People driving in traffic, you know, doing stupid things. Grocery store is a trigger for us Bowdens, which is my maiden name. So, you know, sometimes there's a reason to be. With grumpy old man syndrome or irritable man syndrome, it usually has to do with men having less testosterone and leads to them being chronically tired and generally dissatisfied with life.
[00:31:45] You know, think about it.
[00:31:47] Men are still expected to be the providers.
[00:31:52] And many, you know, might be tired of having a career that just pays the bills. You know, maybe they're not satisfied with their career, but they have to keep in it because they have a family to support. Or for those of those men who aren't married or don't have children just to support themselves, that's not very satisfying.
[00:32:17] So Back to Healthline. Healthline.com talks about irritable male syndrome or man syndrome. And this, this article is specific to is basically grumpy old man or men being grumpy. Is that affecting their relationships?
[00:32:37] And there is a more technical term. It's called andropause or male menopause.
[00:32:44] By the way, Jeff calls menopause mena stop because it eventually stops our periods. I think that's hilarious. And so we refer to it as men stop in our house. All right, so male menopause or andropause. The number one symptom, just like in women, is irritability.
[00:33:09] They also may have depression or lower self confidence.
[00:33:15] Men also might have difficulty concentrating, have trouble sleeping, and have less energy.
[00:33:23] And even though women think we have the market on this, they do have a harder time losing weight, although they can't struggle as much as we do. Right. And they have a hard time recovering after exercise.
[00:33:40] They have a lower sex drive and erectile dysfunction, which is a big boo.
[00:33:49] And this article, like the women's article, gives similar recommendations for how to handle this increased irritability. One, acknowledging your anger to take steps to diffuse your anger or irritability, which is, you know, taking a step back, evaluating if this anger is justified or not, and then if you should act on it.
[00:34:21] Number three, listen up, men. If your partner tells you you are grumpy, listen without reaction. And this does seem to be counterintuitive to the previous advice, but usually if your partner says you're grumpy, they've probably noticed it for a while.
[00:34:44] Four, get a testosterone level test. Just like in women.
[00:34:50] Even though women have several other hormones, you know, being affected, men's testosterone is very important to a lot of things, and not just virility, but also their health and mental health. Another, if your irritability is getting out of hand. Therapy is also a good thing. A lot of men, I think, don't want to go to therapy or are hesitant to go. But it's great to have a sounding board for what's going on in your life. So highly recommend six meditation, yoga or breathing exercises to calm down.
[00:35:37] And I think this is great advice. But I also think sometimes, why do we have to calm down? You know, it kind of goes back to evaluating your anger. Maybe it's justified, but there are plenty of times where you need to calm down and those are great ways to do it. But again, yoga does not seem relaxing to me, so it's so hard.
[00:36:05] Number seven, I'm a big fan of this exercise. It releases endorphins to make you feel good. I love it. I need to go to the gym right now, actually.
[00:36:16] Number eight, cut back on sugar.
[00:36:20] And you can try that if you want. I've seen lots of other articles reference that, but, you know, you need things in life to make you happy.
[00:36:31] I think this article is particularly interesting because it's about, you know, and it references getting along with your partner. And really, you're both trying to get through this grumpy person syndrome thing. So it's best to talk to each other, you know, and even kept keep each other in check. Hey, why are you so grumpy? Hey, why are you so upset about this? Hey, I've noticed you've been, you know, more irritable lately. What's going on? What can we do? How can I help all of that?
[00:37:10] Men generally get this, I'm not going to call it grumpy old man syndrome anymore. This male irritability later in their lives. Women get it during, you know, starting with perimenopause or menace. Stop until men, stop until menopause. Later you know, but men usually start to get more irritable in their 50s and 60s.
[00:37:40] So some of the reasons behind grumpy old man syndrome. This is actually from a newspaper article from the Spokesman, and it's an article on August 5, 2013.
[00:37:58] So basically this talks about men notice a change in their performance overall in their lives. There are things that they used to be good at and they aren't as good at it anymore. You know, sadly, there aren't a lot of 55 year old men breaking the marathon record or, you know, like in jiu jitsu, in competitions. They have age groups that you compete in for a reason. Because as you get older, unfortunately, you can, you can get slower and lose your strength. I know I am much slower than those 20 year olds and they kick my butt.
[00:38:45] Men also, as they get older, get extra aches and pains, you know, more back pain. Jeff and I exchange like, oh, this hurts. Oh, this hurts on me every single day. Men's prostates enlarge and then their stomachs get more delicate. They have more gastrointestinal issues, and that's annoying.
[00:39:12] You know, this might sound familiar with men as they get older, they have all these things going on. You know, the government's on the wrong track and taxes are too high and kids have no respect and athletes are all on steroids. I'm not going to watch that anymore. The world has gone crazy. You know, your cell phone is always dinging and it drives you insane and then just all of that. Does that sound familiar? Do you have someone in your life that says those things?
[00:39:45] And some anger is okay? Absolutely. And sometimes good. Like we've talked before, but if it is happening all the time, something is wrong.
[00:39:59] I want to say I commented on this, but the advice for women does not usually acknowledge that some anger is okay.
[00:40:12] So I am glad that at least for men, it says that it's okay, but for women, I do think it's okay for women, but a lot of advice seems to think it's not. Still, Still.
[00:40:28] The grumpy old man trope can be funny, and it is a trope for a reason. There's something behind it, but it dismisses the fact that it happens and the root is just a general dissatisfaction with one's life.
[00:40:51] That's hard.
[00:40:53] I. Yeah, that makes me grumpy too. So imagine being praised for all these things that make you a man.
[00:41:02] Oh, he's strong, he's confident, he's successful, virile, handsome, agile.
[00:41:11] And then you strain a calf while running a route that you run every week and it takes weeks for that calf to heal when 10 years before it might have taken you a week.
[00:41:27] Your younger colleagues have more time to devote to work and they have all of these new fangled ways of approaching a problem.
[00:41:38] And men start to grow hair in their noses, in their ears. And sadly, many people do not find that attractive.
[00:41:49] And I want you know, with all the comments that I've made here, well, women have it harder. I don't want to dismiss the experience of men here. And to be honest, when I was reading these articles, I didn't think about the root of men's irritability being a dissatisfaction in life. And, you know, kind of thinking, gosh, I'm not as good or fast as I was before with these things. And that can really matter and are really things to I guess you're kind of mourning the loss of those things. So we all have reasons to be grumpy.
[00:42:47] Welcome back to 45 left or right podcast.
[00:42:52] So this part I'm just going to talk about times when anger is good.
[00:43:00] When I was a lieutenant and then later a captain in the Army, I definitely felt like if I got angry for any reason, I was being hysterical and irrational and didn't belong.
[00:43:16] Even though men, especially in the army, got angry all the time.
[00:43:21] And usually I got angry because my soldiers were doing something stupid or trying to get away with something under my nose or were taking advantage of me being nice.
[00:43:34] When I was in Iraq, I worked with a division of Koreans who were there and they were doing humanitarian work for the Kurdish people. They were building hospitals and schools. One of my jobs was to make sure that the Koreans had some of the supplies that they needed, like ammunition and other things that came up. The one early morning, it was probably two in the morning, really early. We were expecting a convoy of Americans to bring the Koreans some supplies that they needed. And these convoys mostly happened late at night or early morning as a safety measure because hey, insurgents like to sleep at night too, so it's not as active.
[00:44:26] The Americans were a little late, and when they arrived I found out that the Koreans were sleeping.
[00:44:35] It took them a long time to wake up all the soldiers so they could unload the trucks, and that meant that the convoy was going to be leaving without the COVID of darkness and would put them in much more danger.
[00:44:52] I was livid.
[00:44:56] This was the angriest that I had ever been up to that point and is still in the top five.
[00:45:04] I ripped into that Korean officer that was in charge and my translator was working overtime to Relay how mad I was, though by my volume and tone, he knew it. And she later told me that he had most likely never been yelled at like that by a woman before.
[00:45:29] The next day, this guy came into my office, apologized and bowed profusely, and gave me the biggest fruit basket that I have ever seen.
[00:45:43] In this case, my anger was justified and it was effective. I got a giant fruit basket out of it, and they never slept on the job like that ever again.
[00:45:57] But at that time, I had the authority of being in a combat zone, of having some rank, being right, and being young. My anger was rational and it was justified.
[00:46:09] And I still felt a little guilty about it, especially because how absolutely sorry and apologetic he was. But he should have been apologizing.
[00:46:22] But being guilty about being angry is like my go to. You know, after my little gym encounter, I spent the next day thinking about it and thinking, you know, should I have done that? I was thinking, will I ever be able to go back there? What if I see him again? What did the other people think? Should have. I apologize.
[00:46:47] But Now I am 45 years old, and I have been conditioned of, you know, of it being wrong, especially as a woman, to be angry and then to act on it, to have a outburst. But I'm also 45, and I feel like I shouldn't have to hold it in anymore.
[00:47:09] You all probably knew that song from Twisted sister in the 80s. We're not gonna take it no, we ain't gonna take it we're not gonna take it anymore they were weird. But I loved that song. And it's been in my head ever since my little gym thing.
[00:47:33] So I wanted to share with this a story or actually a few interesting stories about.
[00:47:40] It's called Angry Women who have Done Something Amazing. And it's by. It's in the Business Insider. Insider, sorry. Out of. In 2017. So the first story is of Roberta Bobby Gibb, and she ran the Boston Marathon because she wasn't allowed to. This was when people thought that women weren't physiologically able to run marathons.
[00:48:15] So not only did she run it, she finished in three hours and 21 minutes. And she beat over half of her competition. She beat half of the men running the Boston Marathon.
[00:48:32] And this is pretty cool because this year, a woman named Jasmine Paris, she was the first woman to finish the notoriously difficult Barkley marathons. If you have not seen the documentary on that, it is amazing. Basically, the Barclay marathons is like, how many is it? Four marathons? And it's. It's a really Crazy race, but I think under 10 people have ever finished it. And she was the first woman, so. Wow.
[00:49:08] Another story is actually of two sisters, and they lived during the time of World War II.
[00:49:18] They actually spent their teenage years luring Nazis to their death by seducing them. They would, you know, basically say, oh, hey, let's take a walk in the forest. And then there they would be shot and killed. They would, you know, be ambushed. Love it.
[00:49:39] Another woman who was angry was Amelia Bloomer. She actually revolutionized women's clothing and fought for our comfort in clothing. And then in other things, she started her own newspaper called the Lilly because she thought her husband's newspaper didn't focus on women's issues enough, and he wouldn't change the content of the newspaper.
[00:50:11] So she used her newspaper to support women's suffrage and the temperance movement, and she also used it to promote these new ideas that women's clothing should be comfortable. So she said, you know, ditch the corsets and the petticoats and wear flowy tops and skirts with pants underneath.
[00:50:36] She is what Bloomer? She was the Bloomers, you know, little pants under were named for her, although she didn't invent them.
[00:50:48] And, you know, men. There are lots of stories of men who had legitimate reasons to be angry, who acted on it. So, again, not minimizing your anger, but these are some really cool stories of women who use their anger for good.
[00:51:22] Welcome back to 45 Left to Right podcast. We're going to briefly end things here. I know this has been a little longer of an episode, so do you all remember that very iconic scene in Fried Green Tomatoes when Kathy Bates character Evelyn gets cut off by the young girls who taunt her in the parking lot? The young leaders are like, face it, lady. We're younger and faster.
[00:51:54] And Evelyn has a moment of angry clarity. She grips the wheel, smiles, puts her car into drive, and rams into their car over and over and over. And she smashed the trunk in. And the girls come back and they screech and they say, what the hell are you doing? And Evelyn laughs. She smiles and says, face it, ladies. I'm older and I have more insurance now. Should have Evelyn taken some deep breaths and possibly let it go?
[00:52:36] Probably.
[00:52:37] Was she in the right?
[00:52:40] Yes.
[00:52:41] Did the young ladies learn a lesson? Maybe. Did Evelyn feel better? Absolutely. Yes. And sometimes we need some anger to feel better, and that should be okay, man or woman. We shouldn't always be tamping down our anger. It isn't healthy. And it's normal to be angry sometimes. You have to correct the smelly young stud at the gym. Sometimes you have to flip off someone who cuts you off in traffic. Sometimes you have to yell at your kids when they haven't picked up the Nerf bullets in the yard yet. Sometimes you are going to get angry at your spouse for any reason.
[00:53:34] It is absolutely okay to let it out.
[00:53:41] All right, I'm gonna wrap things up. I gotta go to the gym. Bye for now.
